hello world

welcome to my timeless space. its upto you whether you wish to continue reading or not. it is the 3 day hill which is the hardest, but perseverance is what makes us strive forward. sitting here i start to realise the many things i could say to you right now or the many moments i could be spending. what i would do rite now to hear youre doing okay, or even hear you sneeze. the memories slip through my fingertips and dissipate into my bedroom and i look at them one by one smiling ever so hard. gaahhhH it sux to have only one best friend bcoz when theyre not around youre pretty much stuck talking to yourself most times staring into the void haha. but on the upside i guess its a good thing to have some space to think. this is probably the biggest challenge i have to face right now so i should be careful on how i plan to achieve to win this challenge. you probably know by now im a big talker, but i can work on that now and start putting my plans into action or something like that. one thing ive wanted to tell you is THANK YOU! really from the bottom of my heart hontoni arigatou. youve molded me into something that i can progress upon, and you should now before i met you i vowed that no one would ever change me or anything haha u proved me dead wrong, but for the best. the most important thing you probably taught me is 1. im not perfect 2. the world didnt revolve around me 3. vanessa is fk n AWESOME hehe. no one will ever see you the way i do, unless they can actually turn memory brain wave patterns that can be interpreted as emotions, or clone me. so for that don't take me for granted. so with that said does that mean i love you?? of course i do!! i think its pretty damn obvious and you know it. but the way i see it, its not because i have romantic feelings for you (which i do) or because your a very close friend (which you are) but because i love you vanessa and because yours is an existence i wish to share my existence with exclusively....?? LOL yeh i know it doesnt make sense, but try to imagine putting all emotions and thoughts into one and hold it into your hands. these feelings doesnt get weaker because you put them altogether and it becomes stronger and bigger, its a strange sensation in the first place to begin with. these feelings are selfish but they are my feelings and its what i feel. yeh no one can understand it and probably mistake it for being 'hung up', 'possesive' or something like that, but people like that are narrow minded and fall to the pressure of societies beliefs of how human interactions and bonds should be and dont put effort or anything into making something beautiful. if you ever wondered where all my effort went to all this time its probably on this hahaha. lol it probably is the first time youve heard this because i find it really hard to catch these kind of words at the best moments. in the end it might backfire at me but im fully prepared to be hurt coz i wont get hurt. im sorry im starting to suck hahaha but its your fault i guess =P heey i feel little better now that i can express myself. i got the movie ticket, it expires on may. so most likely i might go solo watching a movie on my free time. also i am going to go job hunting soon once i get some uni work out of the way (customs didnt even email me back the fuckers... so its off to look for lab jobs...or part time male stripper hahaha) i am a bit disappointed that i didnt get accepted, but the more i taste defeat the better it will taste. uni isnt going too bad either since im only doing 2 subjects, but i tend to get lazy coz theres not much for me to do hahha do you get that sometimes too?? ive started watching coffee prince. its a korean drama about a boy, who looks like a girl, working at this coffee place where they only accept males to work there. its pretty interesting and funny at times too and theres this jp guy who looks like he has yamapi's old long hair tied up. man listening to art school reminds me of being a passenger. this selfish woman haha go do what you have to do because this time this is something only you can do no matter how much times i beg to help. dont put my tears to waste, they are special rare fluids from my lachrymal glands. youve chosen this path so walk it. bahH ive said WAY too much. but its your fault for reading... if you were reading it... i like to read my own work anyway, so its something to look at haha =P ill patiently wait here